Step 9 AA: When to Make Amends and When Not to FHE Health

The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you. While many people are receptive and supportive of attempts to make amends, some are not. Some people in your life may not be receptive on your timeline. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong living amends emotions. Just as each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s.

• Step 8 encourages us to make a list of those we’ve harmed — step 9 is when we follow through with those on our list.
• Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions.
• But what’s paramount in making amends is the spirit of reconciliation and restoration, a genuine commitment to make things right.
• It lets others know that you’re not going to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly by offering them a way to avoid having to deal with your apologies every week or two.
• There may be times when approaching another person directly or seeking to provide restitution could be painful or harmful for that person.

How to Start Step 9

Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person. You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak. Step 4 calls on you to make a “fearless moral inventory,” and Step 5 asks that you admit the “exact nature” of your wrongs. Making amends in AA is not an exercise in feeling better about yourself by avoiding, downplaying, or ignoring personal responsibility.

• It’s critical to remember that amends are more than apologies; they signify understanding, remorse, and a commitment to change.
• This shows others, and more importantly yourself and your Higher Power, a commitment to doing good and avoiding destructive behavior in the future.
• An alcoholic in recovery first creates the list of individuals they have harmed during step eight and then divides the list into four categories.
• To navigate them, seek guidance from trusted individuals, practice self-compassion, and remind yourself of the healing and growth this step can bring.
• The content available on 12steppers.org is not medical advice and is strictly for informational purposes and is written/reviewed by active 12 step members.

Step 9 is All About Action

This specificity strengthens the impact of your amends letter and shows that you have thoroughly reflected on your actions. A well-thought-out strategy and readiness can make the amends process more effective and meaningful. Thorough preparation ensures your actions align with your intentions and positively contribute to your recovery journey and the relationships you are trying to mend. Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________. If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.

Related 12 Step Content

Step 8 is the time to list those wronged by your past actions. But here’s the hard part – it’s also time to consider how to reach out to such people to speak about your behaviors while addicted to alcohol and discuss the harm you caused. Direct amends can sometimes cause more emotional pain, even though they aim to heal. Studies show that over 70% of people who have https://bookhair.dermadentclinic.com/alcohol-withdrawal-seizures-triggers-and/ been emotionally harmed might not want direct amends. Conflict resolution techniques suggest avoiding actions that could make things worse. This supports long-term recovery and keeps everyone emotionally safe.

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What they all have in common, is a sense that life is improving and the addict is regaining control. More and contributing to your community, you are making amends every day. This shows others, and more importantly yourself and your Higher Power, a commitment to doing good and avoiding destructive behavior in the future. In sum, when recovering alcoholics reach step nine, they are completely connected to their Higher Power.

• Step 8 drives a person to examine their past and list everyone whom they have harmed and become willing to make amends to everyone on the list.
• “Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.”
• When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.
• It’s an opportunity to confront your past actions, learn from them, and foster self-forgiveness.

What is a Direct Amend?

It brings a sense of moral integrity and spiritual health back into your life. It’s a first step in admitting wrongs but doesn’t promise to change. Apologizing is part of making amends, but it’s not the whole process. Understanding the difference between making amends and giving a heartfelt apology is key in recovery. Both are important for healing and keeping spiritual health. But they have different goals and ways of achieving them.

On the other hand, making amends involves an active effort to rectify the harm done. With this step, you stand on the brink of an empowering transformation, ready to face the past, make Alcohol Use Disorder amends, and move towards a brighter future. Now that you’re putting your intentions into action, it might look different than expected. You aren’t making amends to get a specific reaction from someone. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.